I’ve Been Gone Long Enough!

It’s been a good long while since I’ve posted anything and it wasn’t for lack of content or subject matter that kept me away.

Honestly, when I disappeared from nearly everywhere back in September, I had all my posts, social media, and others planned out for the rest of the year.

Reason I’ve Been Gone

If you are like any normal human being, or perhaps this hasn’t happened to you and I would consider you lucky. There are times when you fall deep down into a pit of darkness. One so deep and so dark it’s hard to crawl your way back to the light. The anxiety so terrible, you can’t get your mind to focus on even the smallest of tasks.

I’ve had this issue with dying for years, even before I met my husband, but never to this extent. It would come and go, beat me down for a few days and then I would be able to continue on my journey, but not this time. This time was different.

The anxiety and depression hit so hard, everything just stopped. EVERYTHING! I was just gone. I spent days just wandering the house, trying to be the mother I needed to be, but every time I looked at the beautiful children I helped create, I would berated myself for bringing them into this world knowing that someday they would pass. Even looking at my husband would cause a downward spiral because I don’t know what I would do if I lost him.

How I Returned to the Light

This was the worst of the ‘episodes’ as I like to call them, that I’ve ever had. Usually only lasting a few days, this one lasted much longer; months of my life – gone. I would watch my favorites shows, push through my work, talk myself back to the present and know my children are going to do great things. This time it was harder to come back, the depression and anxiety dragging me further down.

So I found other ways to beat this depression. I started writing in my journal again. I found things that would take my mind off the darkness. Rekindled my interests and have forged through. I love drawing, though I may not be that great at it, video games, and writing. Focusing on the things I love to do with my children and my husband have helped me keep my relationships strong.

I started exercising (even though I’ve hurt myself nearly every time I’ve started, I really need to work on form and make sure I don’t hurt my back again), I’ve left the house more (not that I wasn’t able to, winters suck and then Covid-19 hit), I’ve played games, and we’ve been able to pay off some of our debt, which is an amazing feeling.

It’s taken a while and it’s not gone completely, but I feel like I can now go about my day without fear of the unknown. I feel I’m ready to come back into my work stronger for having beaten this and provide the inspiration and encouragement to others as were my goals.

What I’ve Been Up To While Gone

I’ve been telling you that I am going to revamp my website and I can finally say that it is up and running. Not completely finished as some areas need content, but it’s up and running with most of the pages available and with content.

My husband and I had our 15 year wedding anniversary recently and with Carona going on and the stay at home orders, there was a lot of things flying off the shelves including a PS4 that we saved up to get. (I’m the gamer in this relationship.) We searched every store in four towns to find one, but ended up looking on Playstation’s website, since everywhere else was over priced or out. Luckily they had a few PS4 Pros in stock (no PS4’s in stock) So we ended up ordering one of those.

We’ve played a lot of board games, I’ve eaten a ton of Chocolate (my go to when I’m sad, angry, or depressed. So you can imagine just how much I’ve eaten in the last few months.) That is something I’m trying to work on as well, but not as easy as it sounds to cut down.

Changes I’ve Made

Personal Health

I was exercising and plan to pick it up again. It’s hard to keep going after you’ve hurt yourself to the point you can hardly move without pain. You always want to do more than you can, but taking is slow and taking precautions to stay safe while exercising is the plan going ahead.

Getting enough water, which has always been hard for me, since I like flavor and water has none.

Listening to motivational videos that my husband plays every morning, it’s a good way to get your mind on the right path each morning.

Read the bible. Yes, I’m a Christian, and my husband and I decided to start reading our bible together each morning.

Plan ahead and not over due myself with my work. I think I planned to many things, trying to keep up with them all, so there are further changes to come.

Website Design

Now that my site is up and running, I’ve made the decision to keep my focus on the things that bring me joy and keep me from falling into the darkness.

So, when you visit, you will find different categories for the items I’m most interested in.

Writing – which has all of my previous posts I’ve written on the subject (all the ones I could salvage from my site being deactivated and found to have malware, which is a whole other story. Let’s just say I had to start over from scratch and hope for the best. I believe it’s better than before.)

Gaming – all things video game related with some board game content thrown in. Mostly video/written walkthoughs as I play my favorite games. Also a go to when frustrated or upset. What better way to get out your frustrations than to defeat enemies in a game, right?

Drawing – a gallery of images I’ve drawn to share with you. Nothing big or fancy, just things I felt good about or have an interest in that I thought I would share.

Store

I’ve been wanting to provide items to encourage, for fun, and more for a while now and I’ve finally got some products up for sale.

I’m enjoying the process of making printable downloads for my readers and will continue to add products as I go. There is a list of new products coming and I may provide physical products as well further down the line.

Contact Schedule

I tried last year to provide weekly posts and newsletters, and things were going really well until September when the darkness hit. (and homeschooling) So to keep myself sane and from overdoing myself, I’ve decided to go back to bi-weekly posts and newsletters. Im not gone completely, you just won’t see things from me as often as I was posting. I have some new things planned for my newsletters too, so be sure to sign up and check out what’s coming!

I will however, try my best to continue posting to social media. I’ve already got some things planned so it should be too hard to keep with that.

Why I’ve Made These Changes

Well, to keep me sane and occupied in the things I enjoy, while sharing them with you! And to not be gone for such a long period of time again.

In my journey to provide you with things to help you, I am also helping myself. It’s a win-win.

Honestly, I wouldn’t be here without the support of my husband who gave me the idea of adding what I love to my site. I’m the gamer in this relationship and it makes sense to focus on the things I love and enjoy doing. Why not share those with others who have interests like mine?

Final Thoughts

Things in life may drag you down in the very deepest pits of darkness, but there is always a way to climb back into the light. I thank my husband who forced me to talk with him and work though my ‘episode’ in the best way I know how.

If I can defeat the darkness, so can you. No matter the type or kind. Keep your face up and focus on the light. You’ll reach it!